Bagel (n) - 1. a dense, round bread roll that is boiled before being baked. Traditional in Jewish cuisine.
"I ate a delicious bagel with schmear at brunch with my bubbie after Passover."
2. Zero. Nada. Zilch. Nothing.
"Those ferkakta Dodgers posted a bagel last night. Lost 0-2 to the Giants."
Bagel (v) - to discover the religious beliefs of another through indirect means. To find out if someone is Jewish without asking outright.
"Does that boychik know he's trying to bagel a shiksa? What a putz."
Tonight, I ate bagels and bageled with Schmendricks - whose bagels are anything but bagels (and to be perfectly honest, whose founders are anything but Schmendricks).
Dan, Deepa, Dagny and David didn't dive directly into the doughy domain after Dartmouth. After heading out to the west coast, the D4 took respective positions in the "real world" - David as a school psychologist, Dan as a partner at Trinity Ventures, Dagny in the education sector, and Deep as a corporate lawyer. Somehow, all of them manage to keep their current jobs while providing the city of San Francisco with the first fantastic bagel this side of New York City, all with undying chutzpah.
That is, except for Deepa, who quit her job to invest herself fully in Schmendricks: and that takes some serious bagels (alternate definition? Check.)
Like any good Jew, Schmendricks vehemently refuses to accept what has been laid down as "fact." Working tirelessly for two years, the D4 perfected the recipe. Pre-orders for their pop-ups sell out in under an hour, and the lines for their individual sales on Sundays wrap around city blocks.
And it isn't just about the taste (which is stellar), but they also nailed the texture - a dense, chewy interior with a just-right, slightly crisp exterior with a beautiful sheen. People - this is the real deal.
Sorry New York, but your one draw back to the east coast has just been taken away. Though I guess you still have pizza...
So here I am, 12am at home all hyped up on Four Barrel espresso (and french press...), full, happy, schmutz still on my clothes, and not nearly bageled out.
In any sense of the word.